I can smell the dirty burger…

It’s like the night before Christmas. You feel like you’ve waited all year for this moment. You are so excited you can’t even stand yourself. There are a million and two thoughts swirling around in your football brain as the new season is about to begin. Sure you are worried about how the summer transfers will work out and how your biceps or cleavage look in this season’s new home kit. But at the top of your list of things to think about is that first home game. The tension and nerves are evident in every fans eyes. It’s hard to relax when all you want is for your team to get off to a winning start. The best way to calm the anticipation…munch on a classic dirty burger.

As you approach the stadium and soak in the atmosphere, one always vows to start the season healthy with something good to eat. Unfortunately, that good thing to eat weighs about a quarter or half-a-pound and can clog your arteries faster than Usain Bolt can run the 100 meters. It’s decadent, it’s delightful and it’s dirty. In fact, the dirtier, the better. It’s tradition. It’s an excuse to be bad and it always happens around 3pm on a soggy Saturday afternoon.

Not every stadium in England serves up a quality dirty burger. The food in general at Anfield is rancid. Well it was when Ian Wright was still playing for Arsenal. We’d make the trek up the motorway and in the early days we made the huge mistake of thinking we could get something decent to eat when we arrived in Scouser heaven. Let’s just say we learned our lesson fast when going to an away game at Anfield. How hard is it to get a dirty burger right? Turns out it is very hard! Even the sausage rolls at Liverpool could turn Arsenal’s red and white army yellow. Shocking stuff.

Admittedly, the burgers at Tottenham are pretty good. You’ve just got to make sure you buy them outside of the grounds. White van man on White Hart Lane delivers his burgers with a classic dirt consistency you can only dream of having at the start of every new season. The dirty burger could be the only good thing that happens down at the Lane year after year, after year!!

The game has changed even when it comes to the types of food being served on match day. Sure you can get healthy stuff now and you don’t have to gorge on dirty burgers and dodgy hot dogs. But football fans drew a conclusion many moons ago when it came to the lifestyle of being a fan on match day. What’s the point of being good when you are surrounded by things that tempt you to be bad? Interesting theory no? On game day, we fans obviously have no desire to test our restraint or willpower when it comes to what we eat. That’s not how football fans roll. We go the whole hog. There’s no holding back. It’s part of our make-up to be bad with a little dirty on the side…